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  • Writer's pictureBrit Victoria

Why I traded my Tinder Gold status for an Audible subscription


Look at all of those unread books. We call this collection the Millennial Pink library.

As a full-time writer, I have a love-hate relationship with reading. I read on a daily basis, but I haven’t finished a book in years.

Books, like men, have to be pretty interesting to keep my attention.

That said, I have several books in a “for when I have the time they deserve” pile next to my desk. Another attribute books and men, unfortunately, share in my life. Have you ever felt like “this guy is great, but I wish he’d come along later in my life?”

No…? Just me?

Don’t get me wrong, it has nothing to do with my physical image of myself. Yes, I have a target weight I’m working toward, but it’s not because I hate myself or because society has told me to #shapeup. I’m ME and I’m fabulous, regardless of how much of me there is. But I’m also in a very exploratory phase in my life. (Am I young-adulting right?) The perfect guy could come along and I might still be like “Fuck, already?”

Anyway, now to my decision to trade in my pocket-sized little black book (because let’s be real, what is Tinder?) for a more commute-friendly pastime. This decision may hinder my car karaoke career, but I’m willing to take that risk.

First off, let’s address the elephant, which misguidedly reeks of desperation, in the room – I did not have Tinder Gold because I’m especially “thirsty” or looking to better my odds of catching suitors.

Fuck, I so much as drive into Oly and boys everywhere come out of the woodwork. You’d think there weren’t any eligible women in the capitol, sorry S.

*sassy hair flip*

I had it because with my career I. Don’t. Have. Time to wait and see if Mr. Right swipes right.Tinder Gold allows you to see who’s already swiped right on you – for $14.99/month.As my friend so eloquently said when we were discussing this post: “Same. I let Tinder Gold go because, hello, still single after $48. I could’ve bought a great vibrator for that kind of money. Hindsight is 20/20.”

She also referred to Tinder as the “Goodwill books section of men.”

“Sometimes you find a hidden first edition only to realize that the pages are stuck together with mystery substances and half of the other pages are missing, or worse – dog-eared.”

You know what’s also $14.99/month – Audible.

You know one of the most common things guys like about me – aside from my golden locks and killer blue eyes – my brain. Shocker, right?

They legitimately love how sarcastic, educated and cultured I am. I added that first attribute, because sarcasm is only really good when you have the knowledge to back it up.

Otherwise, you’re just kind of an asshole.

And Tinder was good to me, somewhat. I found some quality guys I probably wouldn’t have met otherwise because 99.99 percent of my life is spent writing or surrounded by awesome – and awesomely paired up – Gen Xers in their 40s and 50s.

My name’s Brittany, and I’m a workaholic – love it or leave it. You know which option Mr. Undecided chose.

Audible, an audiobook rental library, expands the part of myself I – and apparently quite a few attractive men – think is pretty fucking awesome. Books engage and inspire the part of my brain that has ideas like “Hey, S. Let’s start a website together.” They have educated me throughout life on history, humor and even myself. Every experience I’ve found within the pages of a book, which related to my life or fueled my wanderlust, was one more experience that told me something new about who I was.

As a journalist, I like to think I constantly walk the line between student and educator. My job is to learn daily from people about their experiences, expertise or events and translate that into a story the largest audience possible will be able to understand and enjoy.That student part of me is fed by sources outside of just the people I interview, but by the books I consume, the radio programs (NPR) I listen to and more.

Young, college-aged B hard at work for a self portrait project. No collection of self portraits would be complete without one including a newspaper.

Without time to actually read books, I wasn’t being completely nourished. So, here’s my new attempt to right that wrong.

Goodbye, Tinder. Hello “The Things They Don’t Tell Fat Girls” read and written by Jes Baker.

xo B

Recommended listening:


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