Generation Y: Why Not Talk about Sex

As a twenty-something working woman, girls’ nights have become increasingly infrequent, but also increasingly important. In your youth, girls’ nights usually included talks about crushes and an excess of sugar. In adulthood, girls’ nights aren’t too much different — we just like to take our sugar in margarita form — and it's more likely we're talking about who we’re smashing. (Sorry, not sorry, Mom.)

Ironically, the latter topic is one that only recently became more normal in my life. My best friend, like I, exited a long-term relationship last year. For both of us, the people we’d spent several years dating were our “firsts.”

As open as we were and are with each other about some fairly “TMI” topics, she and I hadn’t really ever talked too much about our sexual experiences. That changed when we were both casually dating for the first times in our lives. Suddenly the filter on S.E.X. practically disappeared.

That said, at my most recent girls’ night with two of my Oregon-based babes, I mentioned some of the things my bestie and I have talked about and received a combination of shock and red faces.

One of my friends was just fairly quiet for a while and the other exclaimed something to the effect of “I’ve never had a friend I could ask questions like that?!”

“Why?” was the only thing I could think of to say in response.

Why not talk about sex and ask questions and seek common ground, especially with the women who’ve chosen to become your second family? Sisterhood, right? Ya, ya!

For the rest of the evening it was like the floodgates had opened. The initial intention of the girls’ night was to watch Gina Rodriguez’ new Netflix movie “Someone Great” together, which we did, but much later than expected. For the majority of the night we talked positions over pizza, size over shortcake and does and don’ts over daiquiris. Get the gist?

Anyway, it was a good night, because walls went down. We were all free to talk without boundaries and ask questions without feeling inappropriate or dumb. And what topic should people be more open to discuss in that way than sex?

It’s something that affects a majority of the population at some point in time, so why is it so taboo? I know the United States was founded on a very Puritan belief system, but sex is the whole reason this continent is still populated hundreds of years later.

I'm just saying.

As much as older generations may rag on Millennials for a plethora of things, ranging from being on our phones too much to simply breathing, we seem to have claimed the title of Generation Y-Not. While some from our parents’ and grandparents’ generations might see our full schedule of protests and candid outspokenness as whiny or even rude, I feel those opinions frankly miss the point.

As Generation Y, we are just voicing questions and comments that should've been brought into the light much earlier. Why let men get away with sexual misconduct? Why are women not paid the same as men for equal work? (Not initially our fight, but we've continued to champion it.) Why are women charged a “pink tax” on hygiene products we need? Why are men raised to think masculinity is the end-all be-all?

For me, those questions extend to a lot of “why nots,” including why not pay everyone a living wage? Why not discuss mental health since it affects everyone? Why not talk more openly about sex, consequences and the good aspects — the fun, positive, satisfying aspects.

Why the fuck not?

So I guess this is me further declaring the message of this page. I intend to continue to talk about things that might make some people uncomfortable, but I also hope the posts I write can help others realize they're not alone.

It's like my friend said at some point Thursday evening: “Are you in my brain right now? I thought it was just me!”

I want that reaction. I want others to find common ground. Because maybe if we all can we can live our best lives.

xo B

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